Warning:Contain rude language, drug use, violence & sexual content but if you think you can handle it, then by all means have fun & read on at your risk.
The Wild, Wild, CRAZY Waste is more than embraced here
This Creature / Hat is a thing of dark joy and unholy delight to those with cold hearts and the most naughtiest thoughts.
Origin[]
Numbers untold where the many of voles, missguided moles and cutest field mice of old.
Missused, abused, driven well past insane, then chosen to be woven into this most wicked Mad Hat.
None were so shown, even half such a mercy death would have given.
- Some proclimed it as SCIENCE all be it of the most wrong minded parts.
- Others called it dark arts well off the charts.
All accounts would agree, as I hope you can see, those who created this hat of evil conception were most likely on jet and so beyond good intention.
Then the bombs then fell & all went to Hell. The Hat caught a break & escaped known atention.
It's location was lost to all known space and time, well at lest lost to most until just now..
Story line with a wee bit less rhyme[]
Once or upon some 666 times ago a hack posser want a'be magician found this darkly brilliant hat and proceeded to muck about with half wit schemes of fluffy minded stage shows and bar mitzvah play dates.
Well the souls of so many crazed voles would not suffer this long and so with the first gust of an ill willed wind the Hat hitched a ride and found it's self blown wild, free up and far out as the hippies used to say.
That Hat caught a HIGH stoked, outta site updraft and afore the world would ever half be prepared, it was well into the heart of Sintown to land ever so gently where the red lights flicker and hookers migrate in fish net stockings and steel wired bras.
Eee'Vole Halloween ~ A Hanus tale[]
Rolling about as if blown by dark breezes, the Eee'Vole hair hat stalked the dank alleys of Sintown's mean streets until happend by chance or a call of the season, Sam Hanus found that Mad Hat to their mutual delight...
- Sam Hanus was a wannabe pimp, some times chem dealer and qenerally well known lousy card player that could never be trusted to pay up a marker 'till he got a least one notoriously public death threat. Even though Sam Hanus maintained, and more than once said he was a cold blooded killer when the moon was just right, or his mood too uptight.
All in all Sam was a black heart for sure or so most would say... Sintown you see had it's own point of veiw as to just what it takes to be a model citizen.
More than anything eles on Sintown's grimm streets, Sam Hanus a wannabe player, though few would ever know what game it was he really was playing 'till he came to collect..
- When Sam found the Eee'vole mole hair mad hat, it was a fit more than perfect.
{ Get used to these next lines as a common refrain to the Eee'vole hair hat's on go'n seasonal tales ~:}
- Oi There must have been some magic left in that Old slick hat he found, for when he placed it on his head, he began to dance around..
Caught up in Sam Hanus's dark joy the Eee'Vole hair hat sang along " Shake it 'till ya break Brother, a'Bow chick'a bow wow ! "
Sam Hanus was all a sparkeling wicked buzzed with a dark joy he'd never quite known so sharply afore. He thought it must be a flash back to some Battle brew and mutant mushrooms from the night befor, "That hat's not really sing'n ?", he half asked his own mind but never spoke aloud. Then again came the high pitched voices of those countless, tiny crazed souls..
" Of course it's me sing'n." " Yer not quite that chemed up, yet.." " Muwha ha ha ah Hehehe !.." "Awh come on dude, don't stop the party now." "Y'all ain't never had a mate like me ! "
Suddenly lost in utter disbelief, Sam Hanus rushed to a near by shop frount to double check his sanity, there in the window's reflection he saw the impossible. His fancy new top hat was grinning with jagged, twisted sharp teeth and yellow glowing eyes that winked back at him with wicked black glee. It was alive or maybe better said, undead, what ever it was, Sam Hanus knew the creature on his head was wildly far more than just a fury purple pimp hat, as he breathessly muttered, " What the Frank'nStine ugly fuck is this then!?! " The Eee'Vole hair hat just chuckled and said, " Now is that any way to talk'bout yer new best buddy ?" "I'm not just on head now brother. I'm deep inside yer heart and soul, I know yer mind as well as mah own and I'm here ta make our dreams come true."
Sam Hanus had misgivings yet something about what the Eee'Vole hat said just felt too right, so causiously he replied, "Our dreams ?", "Um just what do you have in mind?"
The Eee'Vole hat replyed with a knod and a wink, "Well my new made friend, first we get a drink, pick up some chems, then see about get'n you a stable O' hoes."
All Sam could do was shake head in agreement "I can't find any falt there. Sounds like a plan.", and so they were off to the infamous Dropkick Murphy's Dancing girl Palace, Bar & Grill, Pool hall, where most anything could be obtained, if you were willing to pay Murphy's price...
Just outside the bar Sam again caught a window's reflection of the wicked hat smiling back from atop his head and this gave Sam Hanus a fare reason to pause, speaking to the Hat " Oi, I can't take you in there, folks will freak the fuck out dude ! " This again caused the Eee'Vole hair hat to chuckle out loud, "HEHehe, joo crack me up Hanus, not that 'cause'n a panicked mob to flee in terror would'nt be funny as hell, but not to worrie mate." "I can hide my true face from folks, all they'll see is you, with a totally bitch'n pimp hat." So Sam Hanus and the Eee'Vole hat went for it.
A Hanus tale Act II ~ Dropkick Murphy's[]
Even in a lawless den of iniquity like Sintown, Dropkick Murphy's was well known as a seedy, ill lit dive. Just a few steps through the blood stained doors and the bars reputation was obvious to all five of the senses. The music was bawdy and soo loud Sam could barely hear the crunch he felt under foot of broken glass, empty jet inhalers and crusty, dried layers of residue from the over flowing spittoons. Even in the autumn, the bar's air felt close, hot and thick with the stinch of assorted smokes, rude perfumes and sex, soo smoggy dark the far walls and corner booths, with their sticky tables, were compleatly obsured from view. Sam Hanus made his way through the small sweaty mob of cheap hookers, horny gawkers, shady thugs, pole dancers, pool hustlers, drunks and chemed up hipsters. As Sam took his regular stool he made a gesture to Sweet Sheela working behind the bar indicating a request for his usual jet inhaler with a rum and nuka cola chaser. Sam then quickly slapped a muffling hand over his mouth to barley suppress an ill advised snicker at the Eee'Vole hat's telepathic comment that pointed out what every one in the bar was always too afraid to say aloud, "Sweet Sheela was in fact far from sweet and clearly not hardly a real Sheela at all." Sweet Sheela was a disturbing vision, dressed in a grimy blood stained, pink chiffon evening gown, that added contrast to the bulging biceps, rippling forearms, hairy chest and an all too obvious adams apple. Towering over the bar, even befor the custom high heeled combat boots and matching weight lifters belt, Sheela inspired even the most outspoken homophobes to hold their tongues. It seemed to Sam Hanus that Sweet Sheela was standing over him in a instant, challenging, "You say some'thin Hanus?" Sam's first instinct was to piss himself and make a dash for the exit but be fore he knew it words were just flowing off his tongue with such a mellow ease, he could barely recognize his own voice and what's more, even as he spoke, Sam found he had no conscious memory of what he was saying from one word to the next. All he knew was what ever he said, it must have been smooth because a moment later Sweet Sheela smiling and almost eager to serve. Disbelieving, Sam thought to himself, "Sheela never smiles.". Yet there it was and not only that but Sheela even went back to bring Sam a clean glass..Then again came the Eee'Vole hat's high pitched, ghostly chuckle in his head, "Don't question it mate." "Fortune smiles on the bold and all that, don't ya know?" A blast of Jet and few sips of Rum and Nuka later Sam Hanus was well into the door way to becoming a born again believer is his, slick, new, furry pimp hat.
Every thing was leaning Sam's way, minor pay out's at the slots, small wins at the craps table, even 2 out of 3 spins at the roulette wheel made it an uncommonly fortunate night for Hanus and this turn of events was not lost on ladies. Few could put a finger on it but something was suddenly different.
Gallery[]
Double click on the pics to get the best veiw.
Written by SaintPain[]
SaintPain→ That was broke afore I got here. 07:58, July 21, 2012 (UTC)